I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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