Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
