I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
