So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
