I just threw up on my dentist
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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