All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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