so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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