What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
