Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
