K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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