What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
did i walk over a car last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
