Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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