well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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