I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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