you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
