and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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