this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
