Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
