Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
