For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
