her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
