Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
