I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
