in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just pee around me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
