We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
