I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
