I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
