I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
