He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
