I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
