I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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