nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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