hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
