Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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