So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
