So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
