just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
