So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize