Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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