She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
