I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
