I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
