i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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