"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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