dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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