Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
