there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
