I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
