Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We need a shit load of segways right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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