Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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