I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
