Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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