I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
