I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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