I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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