My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
