wakey wakey hands off snakey
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
