Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
