tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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