Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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