i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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