If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
