tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
