addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
